Gone
by cowgirl.at.heart
Summary: Sara's had enough, and gone to San Fransisco. Is Grissom too late? GSR
1. Chapter 1

**Note: **The song used in this story comes from two Simple Plan songs: Perfect, Welcome to my life. I've changed the lyrics a little bit to suite the story, but majority of it's the same. ENjoy! 

Sara sat hunched over the table in the break room working on some notes.

"You do know that your shift ended 2 hours ago right?"

Looking up, she saw Nick standing in the doorway. "Yeah I know. I'm just finishing up on some reports. Then I'm off."

A smile full of warmth and friendship spread across his face. "Good ol' Miss Sidle, the

work-a-holic."

Her eyes rolled with sarcasm. "Ha ha Nicky. At least ONE of us is finishing our reports on time."

"Yeah, yeah, they'll get done. Good night Sar. Sleep well."

"You too Nicky. Good bye." _forever_ she thought.

_Look at what you've done Sara! You finally finish your letter and you go and cry all over it. Come on girl, deep breaths. Everything will be alright, and in a couple days you'll be starting a new life, fresh and clean and full of new opportunities_. Sara sat at her kitchen counter trying to convince herself that she would be fine. She took her finished and somewhat tear-soaked letter, put it in the envelope, and sealed it. _There! There's no turning back now._

On her way to her bedroom, she passed the empty boxes that would eventually be packed with all of her stuff, for the move to San Fransisco. _One week. Only one more week._


	2. Chapter 2

The week went by pretty fast. To her surprise, Sara was never called into Grissom's office. _I gave the package to his secretary last week. I honestly thought that he might try and convince me out of it. I guess he thinks even less of me than I gave him credit for._

"Hey girl, you alright?"

Sara whipped around to see Warrick walking towards her. "Yeah I'm ah…fine, I'm good."

Laughing he put his arm across her back and gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. "That's what you always say, even if your at rock bottom. But I'm here for you if you need me."

A small and somewhat feeble smile spread across Sara's face. "Thanks Warrick. You have absolutely no idea how much that means to me right now. And I know that this may sound kinda weird, and a little random, but you've been a great friend to me since I came here, and uh….. whatever happens I want you to know that."

Compassion entered his eyes, as a look of confusion crossed his face. "Uhhhh thanks man. But seriously are you alright? Is something wrong?"

Shaking her head slightly, and trying to hide the tears in her eyes, she looked up at him, and forced a smile on her face. "I'm fine Warrick. Thanks for asking. I mean it thanks." And with that she turned and left a somewhat frustrated Warrick in the hallway.

_Ok, one down three more to go._ Entering the break room she saw the next person on her list drinking a mug of coffee.

"Hey Cath can I talk to you for a sec?"

Catherine raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Sure." She patted the seat next to her, "spill."

"Yeah I know we had kinda a rocky start, but I really appreciate our friendship, and the stuff that you've done for me." Much to her dismay, Sara could feel tears start to form in her eyes.

"Uhhhhh …….. no problem. Hey Sar, is everything alright? Wanna talk?"

Trying to prevent the tears from falling, she turned her face away. "No I'm fine."

"Yeah right." She rolled her eyes.

"I just wanted to let you know that you've been a great friend to me. Thankyou."

"Sure no problem. Hey can you still make Lindsay's party on Friday?"

"Ummmm no I don't think so. Something's come up. Sorry." _Too late._ Those stubborn tears refused to be blinked away and were starting to fall down her cheek.

"No problem. But are you sure everything's alright?"

Sara quickly sniffed them away. "I told you I'm fine. Listen I gotta go, but you'll remember what I said right?"

"Of course." Sara started out of the break room. "Sara wait! Call me if you wanna just talk alright?"

She tried a weak smile. "Yeah sure. Bye!" _God! That was harder than I thought. Just two more people left. Come on Sara you can do it. Hold it together girl! You can't let them see you crying at work. Especially Grissom. Why hasn't he called me down to his office? Is he that upset? Focus. Gotta head over to the lab._

Greg was working on something under the microscope when Sara walked in. He smiled his usually casual/goofy grin, as he turned around to welcome her. "And to what do I the honours of a visit by such a fabulous CSI?"

Despite her blue mood, Sara couldn't help but smile. "Stop flirting Greg. I just came by to tell you that –"

"You wanna run away with me."

His smile was contagious. "Nope, that –"

"You're madly in love with me."

Her smile spread "No Greggo, that – "

"I'm gorgeous."

Laughing was inevitable. "GREG!"

An amused look of satisfaction was alight on his face. "What? I can hope can't I?"

"Yeah and that's all Greggo. Hope and dream. But seriously. I came here to tell you … thank you."

"Thank you? Did I miss something? Did I do something?"

"No Greggo. Just thanks. For everything. For your casual and crazy friendship. For your pick-me-ups. For your goofy smile. And even for your flattering flirts. Just everything."

"Uhhh. Ok, now what happened to the CSI Sidle that I knew?"

A small grin played across her face. "I'm still here."

"Alright then. I guess your welcome." He looked happy, but somewhat confused. Sarah turned and headed out the door.

"Bye Greggo!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Crap! Now it's just Nick left. I don't think I can face him without breaking down. Come on, hold it together!_

"Sarah!" She spun around to see a smiling Nick striding down the hallway. "I thought you left already!"

"Uhh no not yet. There were some last minute things I needed to do."

"Oh hey, I wanted to thank you for hooking me up with that neighbor friend of yours."

"Uhh yeah no problem."

"Are you alright Sar? You kinda look a little spacey." His brows furrowed with concern. "If there's something I can do just name it."

"No, no….it's alright. But I wanted to thank you too."

"Me?"

She forced a smile onto her face. "Yeah. You know, ever since I first came here you've been like a brother to me. And uh….. thanks. It has defiantly meant a lot to me."

"Oh my god, Sar what's happened? You can tell me."

"Nothing, nothing Nicky. It's just about time I shared some thanks with you." _God I can't keep this up much longer. Just get outta there!_ "It's time I got going. I have some stuff at home to do."

His face softened a little, but there was still a look of concern on his face. "Alright, as long as you promise me that your gonna be alright."

Sara tried hard to hold back the tears that she could feel welling in her eyes. "Yeah I'll be fine. Just….I gotta go. Bye Nicky!" She turned suddenly, and practically ran out of the building.

As soon as she was safe in her car, she couldn't contain it any more. The tears ran, and ran down her cheeks. "Why oh why can't I do this? God if he wasn't so… so…….so……I don't know but I can't take it anymore! I can't let him ruin my life anymore!" She wiped the tears away, and pulled the car out of the parking lot.


	4. Chapter 4

Greg ran into the break room the next morning in a mad frenzy. "Guy's you gotta come see this!"

Nick rolled his eyes. "What is it now Greg? Did you discover some new chatroom?"

"Guys I'm serious!"

Catherine put down her magazine. "Greg when are you ever serious?"

Warrick joined in. "Yeah like that case last year, you couldn't keep a straight face the entire time!"

Nick started laughing. "Yeah and remember when – "

"It's about Sara!"

At the mention of her name, all three CSI's turned around. Nick was the first to speak. "What's happened Greg?"

Catherine looked confused. "What's wrong Greg? Where is she?"

Greg looked worried, and slightly embarrassed. "I…..uh……I think she's gone."

Nick jumped up knocking over his chair. "Gone! Whadya mean she's gone. She was here yesterday!"

Warrick looked confused. "Yeah man I saw her yesterday. She was a bit weird, but she's been working a few double shifts lately and I thought that she was just a bit tired."

Nick shook his head. "This doesn't make anysense. Did she say anything to you Cath? Cath?"

All three turned to look at Catherine. Her face was pale, and she was sitting shaking her head and whispering. "No… no it can't be. No."

Warrick wrapped his hands around hers. "Cath what is it. Where's Sara?"

"She….she's gone. Left. She's finally done it. She's finally been driven so far that she's packed and left."

Greg was still standing in the doorway. "Uh guys. I think you should come and see this. It's from Sara." He turned and led the others down the hall until they got to the lab bulletin board. Pinned right in the middle on top of the other papers was a new sheet.

_Hi Guys,_

_I'm sorry about all of this. And I'm sure that it comes as a big shock to all of you. I wanted _

_you to know that you all mean so much to me. Though the beginning of our friendships was _

_a little rough, you're really great friends. I meant it. It's been a long time since I had any _

_real family, and that's what we were weren't we? Just one big family. And I'm sorry of _

_having to leave you, especially like this. But it was time for me to be moving on. A positions _

_opened up for me in San Fransisco, and I think that it's a real opportunity for me. Things _

_here were getting to tough to cope with. I tried hard, really I did, but I'm not as perfect as I _

_look. I love you all so much. Thanks for everything!_

_Sara Sidle_

The three CSI's jaws dropped as they read through the letter. This time Greg was the first to speak. "Guys I ran some lab tests on the paper. What? I wanted to see if it was authentic, and I found some salt stains on the paper."

Nick was speechless. "You mean she was crying when she wrote this?"

"Uhhuh. I really don't think she wanted to leave."

Suddenly Catherine turned and dashed down the hallway. Greg looked at Nick and Warrick, his face mirroring the confusion in theirs.

Catherine burst into Grissom's office to find him sorting through some papers. Without even waiting for him to acknowledge her presence, she started. "What the hell did you do?"

His face looked calm but bewildered. "What are you talking about?"

"What did you do?"

"Catherine calm down."

She took a couple deep breaths to compose herself but a look of rage was still plastered all over her face.

"Now tell me what on earth you're talking about."

"Sara."

His features tightened a bit at the mention of her name. "What about her?"

"What did you do to her? Tell her? Not tell her? What?"

"I still don't know what you're talking about. But maybe you should be talking to her." His face still looked confused and clueless.

"She's gone."

"She's not here? Maybe she took a day off. Did you call her?"

"Gil she's gone. Left! She's left Las Vegas altogether. She's gone! So what the hell did you do! I know it has something to do with you!"

His face instantly paled, and his eyes expressed deep pain and confusion. "What?"

"You heard me Gill."

"B….but…. I thought she was ……"

"No. Something was wrong."

"Wait how do you know?"

"Sara left a note on the lab bulletin board. Greg found it, and showed it to Nick, Warrick, and-"

"Why didn't she tell me? This isn't like her."

"Are you sure she didn't leave you a note, letter, or anything?" She walked over to his desk and started shifting some papers. "Wait what's this?" She pulled a small package from underneath a pile of forms and bills. "This looks like her handwriting. And it's dated back to last week." She handed it over to him. "Here, I'll leave you to read it." Catherine turned around, and as quickly as she entered, left.

With shaking hands, Grissom opened the top of the package. Inside, was a letter, and a CD. _That's odd, I don't remember lending her a CD._ There was a small sticky note attached to the CD.

_Listen first, before you read. The mixed song on the CD might help you understand._

He pulled the note off, and placed the CD, in the CD player, and pressed play. Some guitars started playing in the background.

I try not to think about the pain I feel inside,

Did you know you used to be my hero.

All days you worked with me

Now they seem so far away

And it feels like you don't care anymore.

And now I try hard to make it

I just want make you proud.

I'm never gonna be good enough for you,

Can't stand another fight.

And nothing's alright

'Cause we lost it all, nothing lasts forever,

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Now it's just too late, and we can't go back,

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Nothing's gonna change the things you said

Nothing's gonna make this right again

You've already turned your back

I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you

But you don't understand.

'Cause we lost it all, nothing lasts forever,

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Now it's just too late, and we can't go back,

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

_Too late? Am I really to late? I never meant to make her feel like she had to be perfect._ Just then the music changed key, and the singing started up again.

Do you wana be someone else?

Are you sick of being so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more, before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are sick everyone around?

With the big fake smiles and stupid lies,

While deep inside your bleeding.

No you don't know what its like

When nothing feels alright

You don't know what its like to be like me.

To be hurt, to feel lost, to be let out in the dark,

To be kicked when you're down, feel like you've been pushed around,

To be on the edge of breaking down, and no ones there to save you

No you don know what its like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lies straight to your face

No one ever stabs you in the back

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be ok

Everyone getting what they always wanted

Never had to work it was always there

You don't know what it's like

What it's like

To be hurt, to feel lost, to be let out in the dark,

To be kicked when you're down, feel like you've been pushed around,

To be on the edge of breaking down, and no ones there to save you

No you don know what its like

Welcome to my life

His hands were still shaking when he pressed stop. _Oh my God! Did she really feel like that? There's only one way to find out Gill. Open the letter._ He opened the letter carefully, and put his glasses on.

Grissom,

I've tried hard lately to put on a brave face. You always tell us to keep our personal lives and emotions at home. I've always tried hard to do that too, but it's harder with you Grissom. I've tried. God I've tried! I've tried countless times to put you out of my mind. It's obvious that you were never going to figure out what to do with "this". And I thought I could live with it, seeing you at work every day. I could probably have kept on as well, but then you would start to ignore me. You stopped working with me, and only kept me on low-priority cases. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to keep on a happy appearance, but inside it was a nightmare. I'm hoping by leaving and starting a new life, I will be able to put this behind me, and get rid of some of the hurt. Please don' tell the others. I want to keep this hushed up. I will tell them myself in due time. I leave in just over a week for San Francisco. I've got a job in the Crime Lab over there. I think that this is more than enough notice to set things in order, and to find a replacement for me. The "lab" doesn't need me anymore, and it's time for me to move on.

Bye Grissom

Sara Sidle

By the time he had finished reading it his eyes were full of tears. _Did she really think that about me? Did she really "feel" that way about me? God why couldn't I have told her what I felt from the very beginning?_

This was when Catherine decided to make another appearance. This time her face was softer, and she spoke more gently. "How was it?"

He looked up at her. "I didn't know she felt like this. How could I have been so stupid?"

"You aren't stupid, just slow to notice the signs."

He stood up and placed his hands on his head in frustration. "How could I let her leave! If I had bothered to open up that package when it was first delivered, then I would have had all last week to stop her! Catherine, I just let the only woman that ever cared for me leave! And…..and…..possibly the only woman that I ever cared for leave!"

"Go."

He spun around. "What?"

"Gill go to her. Tell her how you feel."

"But what if it's too late?"

"Gill. What if it isn't? Life's full of risks, and you have to take them, otherwise you could end up regretting it for the rest of your life."


	5. Chapter 5

Sara had been at her new job almost a week, and had started to fit right in. But not like planned, her thoughts kept returning to Grissom. _God why can't I get him out of my mind!_

When she got back to her new apartment, there was a pile of mail sitting on the floor. Sifting through it she found a small envelope from Las Vegas. _Who would mail me? They have my cell phone number._ Opening it she found it was from a person that she least expected.

Dear Sara,

I'm not to great with words, especially around you. When you're around me, my thoughts leave my head, and my mind and my mouth disconnect. I can't think of anything except how beautiful you are, and about how much I ……… how badly I …..

I'll just spit it out. I love you Sara. It sounds so less romantic written down, but it's as close as I can get, for now that is. Sara I'm so sorry, for everything, I've done in the past. All the ways that I've hurt you. I know I've hurt you in so many ways, and I am truly sorry. I just didn't realize how bad "this" was, until it left. Now I can't cope. My mind can't do anything except think of you. My flight arrives Friday afternoon at 4:00pm. I hope I'm not "too late".

Thinking of you,

Grissom

Sara dropped the mug that she was holding, and it shattered on the ground. _He loves me!_ She wrapped her arms around her waist, and took in a couple deep breaths. Looking across the kitchen at the calendar, she saw that today was Friday. _Crap!_ She glanced at her watch, and sighed. _Whew, it's only 12:00pm, there's still time, but not much. _She ran to the washroom and turned the shower on.

After her shower she stood looking at the clothes hanging up in her closet. She sighed, and went rummaging through her stuff. _There's gotta be something here, that's half decent to wear for him. Take it easy girl, it's just the airport. It's not like it's a special date. But he LOVES ME!_ Finally deciding on some khaki pants, and a body-hugging shirt, she grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

Sara arrived at the airport at 3:00pm. _Just enough time, for a nerve calming drink before he arrives._ At four o'clock she left the airport café and headed over to arrivals. Crowds of people got off the plane, but she didn't recognize any of them. _What if he changed his mind? What if he never got on the plane? _But suddenly there he was.

Grissom saw her, as soon as he entered the room. She was looking around, looking for him. When she saw him, she wrapped her arms around her waist and grinned slightly. He raised his eyebrows in amusement, and walked over to her. He was only a couple feet away from her, when he dropped his bags and ran to her. He lifted her up off the ground, and spun her around. When he put her back down she was smiling that heart-melting 'Sara smile', that he hadn't seen in a long time. He pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her, and leaning his forehead against hers. "Sara……I love you," he whispered hoarsely.

She was star-struck and lost for words, but her eyes were filled with tears and compassion. "I……I……..I love you to Griss." Grissom wiped her tears away with his thumbs, and caressed her cheek. The small space between their lips closed, and electricity charged through them. The kiss was full of fire and passion, each meeting their others desire with their own. When they finally broke apart, they were gasping for air. They just stood there for the next few minutes wrapped in each others arms, enjoying the love and warmth that they had both been hoping for, for years. As the airport noises, and surroundings, faded away, Sara and Grissom drifted off into their own world.


	6. Chapter 6

Catherine walked into Grissom's office with some papers and reports that needed signing. "Hey Gill, I- "

"Shhhh." He held up a finger to his lips.

Catherine looked at him questioningly, then followed his gaze over to his couch. Sara lay, stretched out on the couch fast asleep. Catherine smiled and turned her attention back to Grissom. "Double shift. Last case took a lot out of her." He walked over to her, and pushed some stray hairs out of her face. She groaned and turned over onto her side, but stayed sleeping.

"I'm happy for you Gill. She's wanted you for so long, and so did you, ….. eventually."

He smiled softly. "We wasted a lot of time over the years, but I finally discovered the truth. I love her Cath."

She patted him on the shoulder. "I know you do. We all do. And the entire teams happy to finally see you to together." She placed the papers on his desk, and turned to leave. She stopped at the door. "Goodnight Gill."

"Good night Catherine."

"Oh and Gill? Don't forget to invite me to the wedding."


End file.
